Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
OBS: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
DANIEL and his metrosexual group of EVIL RUSSIANS have ANGELINA’s HUSBAND! ANGELINA is wearing a FUR HAT because FUCK YOU that’s why.
DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY
JERRY YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE BLOWING STUFF UP RIGHT WELL WHAT IF WE MADE A PATRIOTIC MOVIE LIKE ARMAGEDDON BUT AT PEARL HARBOR A LOT OF STUFF BLEW UP THERE OKAY
PRODUCER JERRY BRUCKHEIMER
FUCK YEAH THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN AWESOME IDEA BRO! BUT HOW WILL WE MAKE A MOVIE OUT OF A SINGLE BOMBING?!
DIRECTOR MICHAEL BAY
WE CAN JUST ADD A LOVE STORY OKAY IT CAN BE LIKE THREE HOURS OF EXPLOSIONS BOOM KERPLOW KRACKOOOOM
PRODUCER JERRY BRUCKHEIMER
FUUUCCCKKKK YESSSSSSSS! IT’LL COST MORE THAN THE ACTUAL WAR!
GARY OLDMAN and AARON ECKHART wait on the rooftop for CHRISTIAN BALE IN A BLACK RUBBER SUIT.
BAT-BALE
Grrgrll farggle raar!
GARY OLDMAN
Nice to see you too. This is Aaron Eckhart, he’s the new District Attorney and eventual tragic character.
AARON ECKHART
Here’s the deal. The mobsters all gave their money to Chin Han, who has gone off to Hong Kong. We need you to go get him and bring him here so I can cut off the mob’s money supply.
BAT-BALE
Frmmrrphhl garg. Rarrawrl.
RANDOM SOLDIER
I have direct orders from the government to rescue the President first! THE PRESIDENT FIRST! And ONLY THE PRESIDENT FIRST!
HARRISON FORD
No, my family first!
RANDOM SOLDIER
Ok.
(rescues family)
Now ONLY THE PRESIDENT NEXT!
HARRISON FORD
No, the injured Paul Gilfoyle next!
RANDOM SOLDIER
Ok.
(rescues Paul Gilfoyle)
Now I’M GODDAMN SERIOUS, THE PRESIDENT NEXT!
HARRISON FORD
No, my loyal patriots William H. Macy and Xander Berkeley first!
RANDOM SOLDIER
Actually I seriously only have time to rescue one more person.
HARRISON FORD
Shit, never mind.