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Dressage in the year 2030!
After changing the ruling to allow riders to go topless, to increase
spectator interest, dressage is now getting more television airtime than
the NFL and NBA combined.
After winning her 7th consecutive Olympics, Anky is now at the heart of
controversy once again, this time for training her horses telepathically.
In related news, her son will be competing in his second Olympics in 2032.
Human life expectancy now 140 years. "Old-dead-guy" (ODG) slang replaced
with simply "old-guy", to take this into account.
Average size of the typical warmblood: 22.1 hands.
The new ruling regarding tack has determined the maximum thickness of
kneeroll padding allowed is 9 inches. However, a last minute convention
decision has overruled the ban on saddle seatbelts, effective immediately.
After decades of breeding for huge gaits, and with the average warmblood
standing 22.1 hands, the dressage arena dimensions have again been expanded
and now measures 180 meters x 90 meters, mostly to allow room for the
extended trot.
Only 6 trainers remain in the entire world who are able to train a horse
from start to Grand Prix themselves. In related news, the cost of a Grand
Prix schoolmaster now averages 8.2 million dollars.
The FEI rulebook for dressage is now 118,346 pages long. Specific guidelines
are included for judging degrees of "behind the vertical", and a new ruling
now requires that every competition must have at least two judges -- one of
whom is responsible only for judging the head position (see article
848,976.93 section C.)
The halt has been removed from all dressage tests. Piaffe, passage, and the
extended trot now make up 76% of the Grand Prix.
Although competitors are now allowed to compete treeless, girthless,
bitless, (and now topless), the rules continue to require stirrups. (?)
The USDF has once again expanded the year-end awards offered, in an attempt
to insure that everyone who wants an award may win one. In related news, the
"Yearbook" awards issue is now thicker than the phonebook.
Gas now averages $11.50 a gallon, and no truck manufacturer has yet been
able to produce a hybrid vehicle capable of hauling even one 22+ hand horse.
Scientists are busy trying to figure out how to ship semen via the internet.
In related news, it is rumored that a mare in the U.S. has given birth to a
foal -- naturally. Scientists are stumped.
The FEI is holding another emergency meeting to decide how to deal with
cloning, after the fiasco at the last Olympics, where there were 3 Bonfires,
4 Gigolos, 4 Gifteds, and 2 Salineros (including "the original" Salinero,
still competing in his mid 30's, thanks to advances in veterinary medicine.)
In related news, the FEI is expected to rule this month on which Gigolo was
really the Bronze medal winner in 2028.
After changing their name 11 times, the AHSA (American Horse Show
Association) is once again calling itself the AHSA.
After changing the ruling to allow riders to go topless, to increase
spectator interest, dressage is now getting more television airtime than
the NFL and NBA combined.
After winning her 7th consecutive Olympics, Anky is now at the heart of
controversy once again, this time for training her horses telepathically.
In related news, her son will be competing in his second Olympics in 2032.
Human life expectancy now 140 years. "Old-dead-guy" (ODG) slang replaced
with simply "old-guy", to take this into account.
Average size of the typical warmblood: 22.1 hands.
The new ruling regarding tack has determined the maximum thickness of
kneeroll padding allowed is 9 inches. However, a last minute convention
decision has overruled the ban on saddle seatbelts, effective immediately.
After decades of breeding for huge gaits, and with the average warmblood
standing 22.1 hands, the dressage arena dimensions have again been expanded
and now measures 180 meters x 90 meters, mostly to allow room for the
extended trot.
Only 6 trainers remain in the entire world who are able to train a horse
from start to Grand Prix themselves. In related news, the cost of a Grand
Prix schoolmaster now averages 8.2 million dollars.
The FEI rulebook for dressage is now 118,346 pages long. Specific guidelines
are included for judging degrees of "behind the vertical", and a new ruling
now requires that every competition must have at least two judges -- one of
whom is responsible only for judging the head position (see article
848,976.93 section C.)
The halt has been removed from all dressage tests. Piaffe, passage, and the
extended trot now make up 76% of the Grand Prix.
Although competitors are now allowed to compete treeless, girthless,
bitless, (and now topless), the rules continue to require stirrups. (?)
The USDF has once again expanded the year-end awards offered, in an attempt
to insure that everyone who wants an award may win one. In related news, the
"Yearbook" awards issue is now thicker than the phonebook.
Gas now averages $11.50 a gallon, and no truck manufacturer has yet been
able to produce a hybrid vehicle capable of hauling even one 22+ hand horse.
Scientists are busy trying to figure out how to ship semen via the internet.
In related news, it is rumored that a mare in the U.S. has given birth to a
foal -- naturally. Scientists are stumped.
The FEI is holding another emergency meeting to decide how to deal with
cloning, after the fiasco at the last Olympics, where there were 3 Bonfires,
4 Gigolos, 4 Gifteds, and 2 Salineros (including "the original" Salinero,
still competing in his mid 30's, thanks to advances in veterinary medicine.)
In related news, the FEI is expected to rule this month on which Gigolo was
really the Bronze medal winner in 2028.
After changing their name 11 times, the AHSA (American Horse Show
Association) is once again calling itself the AHSA.
